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Cleaning up your copy Ideally, your reader shouldn’t notice your copy at all. Within seconds they should be absorbed by the promises you are making. They are imagining how much better their life will be with your product or service to help them. They read on because they want to learn more. Maybe how the story ends. Maybe for more news of how to make, or save, money; lose weight without dieting; enjoy their overseas property more; or become a better manager. And they will do this despite knowing that this letter is a sales letter, that this email is a promotional email, that this ad is, well, an ad. Well they will, providing your copy meets one condition. It must be clean (like the window, remember?). What do I mean by clean? Simply this. The copy must be smooth and not clunky. It must be free of mistakes. It must not draw attention to itself. Inevitably, there are times when we write copy that IS like a grubby window. And that’s the copy people start noticing, then ignoring, then, finally, binning. So let’s take a look at a few of the most common marks on the glass and what to do about them. Careless repetition This is a common mistake that you commonly see when the writer is dreaming of walking on the common instead of focusing on their copy. I reviewed, for a publisher, a two-page sales letter that managed to use the word fantastic six times. An offer, however fantastic (and believe me, this really wasn’t), begins to seem a little desperate when it is described this way half a dozen times. The two most common causes are laziness and other people changing bits of your copy without reading what’s gone before. The cure is to read your copy aloud – it pulls you up short on all those repeated words. Plus, be creative. How many ways can you express the concept of half price? Save 50%. Buy one, get one free. You pay for the first one, we’ll pay for the next. Just £50 (normal price £100). Save £50. Clunky phrasing I once wrote a subscriptions promotion for a publisher with a phrase introducing a key benefit like this: “As a subscriber to X, you enjoy…” Present tense. Assumptive close. Short and to the point. The Editor changed it to “If you subscribe to X, you will be certain to be able to enjoy…” Hmm. Again, reading your copy out loud will reveal this type of writing. The cure is to ask yourself how you would say this to someone face-to-face. The result is almost always a smooth-flowing, clean little sentence that slides straight past their defences unnoticed. Speech marks enclosing figures of speech There may, occasionally, be a case for using a well-worn phrase or cliché. But if you ARE going to do this, maybe because it helps you strike the right tone of voice, please don’t enclose it with speech marks. What you are doing is putting your copy “under the spotlight” when it should be “under the radar”. Your reader has to “stop in their tracks” to figure out what you mean when your meaning is “crystal clear” without the “offending items” Cure? Delete ‘em all. Every last “man jack” of them. And the rest There are plenty of other grease spots on the glass. Spelling errors. Obscure words. Using all caps. Each slows your reader down and pulls them back from involvement in your copy and towards the copy itself. And I’m telling you this because? Just like the best fiction, the best copy is self-effacing. It fades into the background, leaving the reader to focus on the message. In other words, you can’t see the window, just the view. So keep your windows
streak-free and watch out for pigeons. (And if you need a good window cleaner,
call me on +44 (0)1722 413 900. Or email me at andy.maslen@sunfish.co.uk.) How web 2.0 changes your copy Have you heard of web 2.0? The latest buzzword on the net is all about user-generated content, social networks, new ways of hooking up with people, and, inevitably, new ways of making money. It also places a premium on truth over hype. Integrity over gloss. Real people over corporate flacks. (Or, to put it another way, the lunatics have taken over the asylum.) Now this doesn’t mean you have to redesign and rewrite your website to emulate the near chaos of many blogs and shared community sites like bebo and MySpace. But maybe you should take a long hard look at your site and ask the following questions: Seven questions you need to ask your website 1. Have we used a slick library image of someone beautiful? (Hint, most people don’t relate to these shots because they portray an unrealistic world where every merchant banker, IT manager and indeed carpenter is straight out of central casting.) 2. Have we blocked entry to our site with a Flash intro? (Hint, for a start these bore Google’s spiders who assume you have no text on your site and move on. For a finish, they irritate the hell out of your site visitors. If people wanted to watch a short animated film they’d go to an animation site.) 3. Have we larded our copy with hollow adjectives like cutting edge, revolutionary, fantastic, exciting and unique? (Hint, nobody EVER believed this, but in the increasingly democratic world of the web, they begin to seem out of touch big time.) 4. Have we hidden any trace of humanity? (Hint, without photos of your staff, your principals or your customers, people are going to start wondering who’s really behind your business. Without engaging copy that sounds like a real person wrote it, you’re never going to connect with a generation of web-users who expect just that.) 5. Have we forgotten that people want bite-sized chunks of information? (Hint, long copy still works for the nano-attention-span crowd, but you’ve got to work overtime to get them to read it. The easiest way to do it is to use ultra short paragraphs. And the shortest words you can manage.) 6. Have we left our reader with unanswered questions? (Hint, tell people EVERYTHING they need to know before making a purchase decision, or whatever decision you want them to. And do it on your main pages. Don’t expect your reader to make the effort to scroll through your FAQs page.) 7. Is your copy readable? (Hint, although I did see a pink page with white type and morphing yellow stars on bebo, most readers are still more comfortable reading dark type on a pale ground. That doesn’t move. And is either ranged left or justified. Your designer probably doesn’t believe this.) And above all, have we given a full and detailed account of the TRUTH? In other words, have we explained exactly why anybody visiting our site and reading the copy should believe a word of what we’ve said? And then act on it? And I’m telling you this because? John Caples once said, “Times change, people don’t.” He was half-right, because the people you’re selling to haven’t really changed, despite the advent of web 2.0. They are still prone to the same emotional reactions to sales copy and corporate publicity as they were a couple of years ago, ie highly sceptical But the people who NEED to change are … well, marketeers. They need to kick their addiction to slick graphics and vapid phrasemaking. Instead, marketeers need to focus like never before on their customers, or readers, if you prefer From
now on, every word you write has to be as
genuine as the most badly punctuated screed
on blogspot. As compelling as the item descriptions
on eBay. And as involving as the stories
cropping up on every social networking site
now spreading over the web like a rash. How powerful language builds long-term sales Selling subscriptions (or building any kind of relationship) is a long game. And to play the long game well, you need to use appropriate language for your title and brand, and use it consistently. But that’s not an easy thing to achieve for publishers. One challenge is not seeing the wood for the trees. I heard this yesterday from a publisher about the magazine he has run, very successfully, for the last quarter century. He was talking about the differing perspectives of in-house staff, and specifically publishers/editors, to external writers. As with many industries, in publishing we frequently become engrossed in what our product IS, rather than what it DOES. And if you think this is just me finding another way to say benefits matter more than features, you’d be right. Three tips for consistent language So what are we to do about it? Let’s suppose, first, that we’ll stick with in-house copywriters. Tip number one, get your in-house writer to pull your magazine apart and figure out what it really does for the reader. In our household we currently subscribe to the following titles: The Economist, The New Yorker, Granta, Classic and Sportscar and She. The following table illustrates the difference between what they are and what they do for three of them: The Economist IS General news weekly DOES Makes you feel you won’t get passed over for promotion through ignorance Classic and Sportscar IS Monthly classic car magazine DOES Makes you feel part of a group of enthusiasts She IS Women’s glossy monthly DOES Helps you enjoy life and make the most of yourself as a woman. Tip number two, establish some clear and simple brand guidelines. The best example I have come across recently was not from a publisher at all, but Hamleys, for whom I wrote a microsite. It’s small. A six-page, concertina-fold, A6 leaflet. But it told me everything I needed to know about Hamleys’ tone of voice and brand values. Any writer picking up that guide (and it was part of a much deeper brief) would have an excellent idea of where to start in choosing the right language to promote Hamleys. Tip number three, only approve copy that you feel sure will lead to more long-term subscribers. It’s relatively easy to put bums on seats, as one publishing manager told me the other day. Short-term trials, excessively valuable freebies, walloping great introductory discounts: they’ll all do it. But the serial triallists, discount hounds and gift-blaggers you attract soon disappear, leaving you out of pocket and with possible dents in your brand image. Appropriate language, therefore, will concentrate on the underlying value of the magazine to its target subscriber. Brief, and to the point If you are working with an external writer, the brief becomes critical. Here’s what I like to be told in a brief. What I am trying to achieve. Who I am selling to. What I am selling. The last of these questions is the nitty gritty about the title. Its brand values, positioning, history and development, special features, editorial policy and values. You get the picture. The more facts I have at my fingertips, the more I can weave into a compelling story to sell subs. And in terms of appropriate language as it applies specifically to subs copy, I’ve some crunchy, practical points for you. Next month. And I’m telling you this because? When you’re selling subscriptions, memberships or any other kind of relationship-based service, tone of voice is critical. And maintaining a consistent and appropriate tone of voice is essential. Whether you write your copy yourself or outsource it, make sure you establish some simple but powerful rules – and stick to them. |
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“…clear, concise, high-impact…” “…we doubled our response rates…” “…really pleased with the copy…” “…the best opening rate…” “…the copy is fantastic…” “…the pack is a great success…" “…absolutely brilliant…” “…our highest-ever response…"
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